Living a life with purpose

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. —Anonymous

At the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? This is an important question to ponder. If you were to pass away today, what would be said about you at your funeral? Although that may seem morbid or gloomy to think about, it is important to take the time to reflect and determine whether you are truly living your greatest life or whether you have fallen into what I call the “treadmill trap.” You’re running and running and running fast, with no destination in mind, and arriving nowhere quickly.

Many people discover with this exercise that what people would say about them if they were to pass away today is not at all what they would want them to say. If this is the case with you, it is time to re-evaluate how you are living your life.

Begin with the end in mind. At the end of your life, what do you want people to say about you? This will determine what your most important values are in your life. This will guide you to discover your true purpose on this earth.

For instance, if I would want them to say something like “Murthy was a caring and loving dad and husband . . .” then obviously family is one of my core values.

If you are currently unhappy with certain aspects of your life, chances are the way you are currently living your life is not in alignment with your values. Whenever you are not living in alignment with your values, the result is always dissatisfaction in that area of your life. This dissatisfaction is obviously generating negative feelings, which result in attracting more dissatisfaction into your life.

Being aware of your core values and then deliberately living and creating your life around those values will generate inner peace, freedom, happiness, and a life lived with purpose.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Nothing is, unless our thinking makes it so. —William Shakespeare

Do you know that we put meaning to everything we experience in life? Many of us believe that when something occurs in their lives it is real. The truth is whatever we experience in life; we interpret it to be a certain way. This interpretation is based on our past experiences, beliefs, and upbringing. You actually have the personal power to choose what you make each situation, event, and experience mean to you. If you are not feeling good about something that has happened, think and reflect what interpretation you have put to this situation.

For instance, if you were just let go from your job, and you are really upset about it, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” Your answer may be, “I can’t believe they fired me. I worked so hard for ten years for them and this is how they treat me. They don’t appreciate me. They never appreciated me.” In this scenario, you have made losing your job mean that they don’t care about you and that you are not appreciated by them.

Your interpretation of this situation can come from many different realms. It could be that in the past you were ignored by family members and were told you would amount to nothing; this could be the reason you are interpreting the situation this specific way. On the other hand, if you had a very loving, caring family environment growing up and were always told how wonderful you are, you may react to this situation differently. You probably wouldn’t make it mean anything about yourself. You may say something like, “Oh well, what can you do, these things happen. This is great, now I can go look for a job that I really like.” This is the same situation with two different interpretations.

Since we are the masters of interpreting all of our experiences, since we are going to make up a meaning around the situation anyway, you might as well make something up that makes you feel good. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining. The easiest way to do this is to separate the facts of the situation from your interpretation of the situation.

The facts in the above example are: You worked for a company for ten years. You were let go from your position at this company. Those are the facts. That’s it. Everything else is your interpretation.

It is important to recognize the difference between the facts of what happened and our interpretation of what happened. The sooner you are able to do that, the sooner you can begin consciously choosing interpretations that are beneficial in nature. This will keep you in a positive vibratory field no matter what the circumstances.

Dharm - Cosmic Ethics

No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed. No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined. --Harry Emerson Fosdick

So how do we know what is "proper" and what is "improper"? This knowledge is crucial for our decision-making in a day to day life. If there is a law there must be available its written form so everyone can get acquainted with it. After all, it is said that ignorance of law is no excuse.

They are law-books precisely defining how every human being should act according to one's social and spiritual position. Term "dharm" (a.k.a. Ethics) comes from Sanskrit root "dhri" (maintain, sustain, preserve in work). Usually it is translated as ethical, moral and guiding principles which, however, do not fully represent its meaning. Dharm or Ethics is a law or order of the material world (that which maintains its harmonic function), virtue or righteous conduct. Still deeper explanation says that dharm is an inherent or inseparable quality or nature. There is an example of salt whose inseparable quality (dharm) is salty taste. This term from Western philosophy expresses the reason for existence of an object. Four such qualities with a broad definition are:

• Mercy - not eating meat etc.
• Renunciation / Sense of Control - what we do and say
• Truthfulness – refusal of gambling and speculations
• Purity – of mind and body
  
  

It is therefore already established which human activities are good and bring positive reactions and which are bad and bring negative reactions in the form of suffering. This value system is universally valid and does not depend on opinions of individual living beings. I may think that what I do is good and also be able to justify it intellectually and thus impress others. If, however, my activity is not in accordance with universal definition of goodness, I will still reap a negative reaction.

Freedom of thinking and acting so propagated nowadays is sometimes misunderstood as a chance to do whatever we like. Yes, we have a free will, but at the same time we are responsible for our activity. Nothing can be further from reality that an idea that violation of ethics is unpunished. Contemporary state of the world should warn us not to put an economic benefit (artha) before dharma. It is this desire for sense enjoyment (symbolized by money) which is the most frequent cause of dharma violation.

Focused, dedicated, disciplined--these three things sum up the lives of so many of those who have made a difference in their world. It matters not whether it was a great leader known to multitudes, the unassuming teacher who gave children the key to their own greatness, or the many others who in so many ways made a difference. Their common thread was a focus on where the road was going, a dedication to the task at hand, and the discipline to keep moving in spite of discouragements, setbacks, and frustrations.

We spend so much of our time wishing we had more time. We hurry from one task to another, sometimes juggling many tasks and doing none of them well. We sometimes feel that we are not in control of our lives, that we are powerless. But the truth is that we are in control and we are the only ones who have the power to focus with dedication and discipline on the true passions of our lives, the things that really make a difference.

Diligence

Diligence is the mother of good luck! Is it true? Let’s analyze it.

Let us assume that the diligence in achieving our goals is crucial to success. This simple wisdom is at the core of success. But is there something more? It is not uncommon that we have gone through this often in our day to day life. Our paths may be strewn with roadblocks, setbacks and yes, even a total destruction of the progress we have made so far. When this happens, it is easy to become wrapped up in the loss and feel that we just do not have the energy to keep going. Our "vigor" is wiped out and we quit, but our dream has not really died. The original passion we had is there, although it may be hidden under sweat, tears, and setbacks. If the goal was one that deserved our time and energy in the first place, then it deserves our starting over at whatever cost. On the other hand, if it was a mistake ever to begin, then this is a time for reflection on our motives and methods and perhaps letting go and moving on. We should make that decision in the light of day and not while we are bemoaning our losses. Step back and really look at why you set the goal. What were the reasons and desired outcomes? Be totally honest with yourself. When this is done, you will then know if your passion was directed down the right road or not, and if so, you can pick up the pieces and continue with your dream.

In fact you will continue with a stronger resolve and with increased knowledge. You will succeed!

Worry Wave

Before you read next few lines, please note that the being cautious is not same as worrying. The state of ones consciousness discerns cautious and worry.

Sometimes it seems that we live in a society filled with worry warts. People worry about everything: their looks, their health, their money (or lack of it), their love life (or lack of it), their job (or lack of it), their in-laws, the outlaws, the weather, worry, worry, worry! We have filled our minds with anxieties over things (most of which will never happen), while the beauty of each moment is lost. The moment you are living in right now is the only reality. Everything else has either already happened, and you can do nothing about it, or it is in the future, which contains only thoughts and not reality. So why not put all your energies into the present (by bringing the light of the present into your life) and let it light the way for your future. Sound simple? Answer is yes.

Explanation: We have seen that life has two aspects, absolute and relative. We have also seen that the relative aspect is only the expression of the absolute phase of life, which is unlimited ocean of pure consciousness. Thus it is found that the absolute state of life corresponds to life above & beyond individual life, and the relative states of life correspond to the individual life. For example, if a stone is thrown into a pond, waves are produced that travel throughout the pond. Every wave produces effects in every part of the pond, resulting in some influence or other. Similarly, the wave of individual life through its activity produces an influence in all fields of the universe. If you concur, then why create a wave of worry and impact everything around you? Depending on the state and size of this wave, it can also result into a destructive force.

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.

Fear of Failure

Warning: I am touching one of the most sensitive subjects. Taking the contents of this subject out of context is not only unconscious but also dangerous. However, you will find this constructive if you have read and understood my previous blogs. Alternatively, you can choose to be at risk!

"Nothing would be done at all if a man [or a woman] waited until he [or she] could find fault with it."

The fear of failure is perhaps the most powerful block to preventing us from realizing our goals. But who gives it the power? It does not have a life of its own. It is only as powerful as we make it. All our excuses for lack of action, when stripped down of their many layers, come down to the fear of failure. "I don't have time!" "I don't have the money!" I don't have the skills!" These excuses and many more have the fear of failure at their core.

While it is true that we should not haphazardly go down the road of life, the fear of failure quite often prevents us from ever exploring the possibilities and taking that first step. Hero of Maha Bharath war, Arjun, explains “courage does not mean lack of apprehension. It does not even mean the absence of fear. What it does mean is that we become the masters of our fears and not their servant”. We look forward to resolving the roadblocks that stand in our way. We do not accept the possibility of failure--for we have not failed in a pursuit in which we learn and grow. Failure only comes when we do not accomplish that first step.

So in the pursuit of your goals, don't fear failure. Bravely take that first little step, make any necessary adjustments, and then take another step. With each step comes success not failure. With each step you learn and grow.

Strategies for Happiness... Concluding part

Happiness Strategy #5: Remember, Money Can't Buy Happiness

This does not require elboration. Regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it's never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.

Happiness Strategy #6: Foster Social Network

There are few better antidotes to unhappiness than close friendships with people who care about you. You cannot call it friendship if it is just based on the time you had spent together, roaming around, seeing places, sharing a room or apartment, or just had some youthful entertainment. Friendship has no specific definition or standards. We have acquaintances throughout our lives, and while we cross paths with many, true friends are a rarity. A true friendship, the special and rare kind, recognizes that though one has reached a difficult spot, the rewards of resolution far outweigh the alternatives. "Sadly, our increasingly individualistic society suffers from impoverished social connections, which is a cause of today's epidemic levels of unhappiness. The social ties have substance; friendship is not. The social ties that bind also provide support in difficult times; friendship may not!

Happiness Strategy #7: Engage in Meaningful Activities

People are seldom happier than when they're in the "flow." This is a state in which your mind becomes thoroughly absorbed in a meaningful task that challenges your abilities. Yet, he has found that the most common leisure time activity -- watching TV -- produces some of the lowest levels of happiness.

To get more out of life, we need to put more into it; active leisure that helps a person grow does not come easily. Each of the flow-producing activities requires an initial investment of attention before it begins to be enjoyable.

So it turns out that happiness can be a matter of choice -- not just luck. Some people are lucky enough to possess genes that foster happiness. However, certain thought patterns and interpersonal skills definitely help people become an "epicure of experience".

We all have the tools within us to be happy. Sometimes it is as simple as making the resolve that we will be happy. In the words of the old Star Trek series, "Choose to Be Happy and Prosper!"

Strategies for Happiness. Contd..

Happiness Strategy #3: Foster Forgiveness

Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well as mental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. One way to curtail these kinds of feelings is to foster forgiveness OR make them evanescent (short lived). This reduces the power of bad events to create bitterness and resentment. It is a step by step process and you can remember it by an acronym REACH. First, Recall the hurt. Then Empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator's point of view. Be Altruistic (opposite of selfishness) by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you're forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to Hold on to the forgiveness. Don't dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

The alternative to forgiveness is mulling over a transgression; it is a form of chronic stress.

Happiness Strategy #4: Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings

A.k.a. improve your mental hygiene. Compare the mind to a man riding an elephant. The elephant represents the powerful thoughts and feelings -- mostly unconscious -- that drive your behavior. The man, although much weaker, can exert control over the elephant, just as you can exert control over negative thoughts and feelings.

"The key is a commitment to doing the things necessary to retrain the elephant," and the evidence suggests there's a lot you can do. It just takes work."

I was truely inspired and influenced by the following set of words by Martin Luther King Jr.; one of the truly greatest people in the world.

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people and good thoughts."

Strategy#5: To be continued

Strategies for Happiness. Contd..

Happiness Strategy #2: Cultivate Gratitude

It involves listing a few things that make others grateful. This shifts people away from bitterness and despair, and promotes happiness. The brain is a muscle, and you can strengthen your mind’s (brain + heart) natural tendency toward optimism if you work at it.

• Make Gentle Reminders – When you notice yourself grumbling about a negative event or stressor in your life, try to think of 4 or 5 related things for which you are grateful. For example, when feeling stressed at work, try to think about several things that you like about your job. You can do the same with relationship stress, financial stress, or other daily hassles. The more you gently remind yourself of the positives, the more easily a shift toward gratitude can occur.
• Be Careful With Comparisons – Many people cause themselves unnecessary stress by making comparisons. They compare themselves only to those who have more, do more, or are in some way closer to their ideals, and allow themselves to feel inferior instead of inspired. In cultivating gratitude, you have one of two options if you find yourself making such comparisons: You can either choose to compare yourself to people that remind you how truly rich and lucky you are, or you can feel gratitude for having people in your life that can inspire you. Either road can lead away from stress and envy, and closer to feelings of gratitude.
• Keep a Gratitude Journal – One of the best ways to cultivate gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Not only are you combining the benefits of journaling with the active adoption of a more positive mindset, you are left with a nice catalog and a long list of things in your life for which you are grateful. Because habits are usually formed within two or three weeks, you will have to actively focus on maintaining gratitude less and less as you go, and the habit of a more positive (and less stress-inducing) attitude will be more automatic.

Strategy#3 To be continued

Strategies for Happiness

A popular greeting card attribute this "Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

But, purpose of greeting card attributes is just a wish; and wish is not a strategy. Yes, you can choose to be happy. You can chase down that elusive butterfly and get it to sit on your shoulder. How? In part, by simply making the effort to monitor the workings of your mind.
“Trying to be happier is like trying to be taller." We each have a "happiness set point," and move away from it only slightly. You can do this by thwarting negative emotions such as pessimism and resentment. And, you can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude.

Happiness Strategy # 1: Don't Worry, Choose Happy

The first step, however, is to make a conscious choice to boost your happiness. The philosopher Bertrand Russell had this to say: "Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit. ... Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part." God does not micro-manage our lives. So, it is all you and decision to consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that lead to happiness over unhappiness.

Trying to be happy could be like a wish; but, choosing to be happy would be “by your choice!” Choose to take advantage of opportunities to learn how to be happy. For example, reprogram your family culture and values. Learn good self-management skills, good interpersonal skills, and increase your probability of happiness. The persons who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make their own personal growth primary values.

In short, happiness also depends on how you manage your emotions and relationships with others.

Strategy#2: To be continued...

Mr. / Ms. / Mrs. Jealous,

You, simplest thing to ponder for rest of your life -- one of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.

It costs nothing . . . it is easy to do . . . it grows the more it is given. What is it? It is the unconditional display to others of our happiness for their successes, triumphs, and personal “bests.” It is given without any regrets or self-pity. It is done in joyfulness for another human being and their achievements. What could be easier? Nevertheless, being the multifaceted people we are, we find ourselves filled at times with the “poor me” attitude when we see someone succeed at something that we wish we had done. “Oh, if only it could have been me,” we say. Instead of being inspired by the person and their achievement, most become bogged down in their own self-pity.

Stats time! Over 80% of middle and upper middle class families / societies fall under the stream of self pity. Out of which, 95% of them does it knowingly and remaining 5% under some kind of bad or behavioral influence. Almost all of us have expressed self-pity at least once; how often we does and how soon we get rid of it matters. Okay, it is about time; knock it off! That’s right . . . just knock self-pity and related thoughts off of your mind!

What we often forget to realize is that in honoring the achievements of others, we also honor ourselves. How so? Because by this action we show support for the person and this in turn can become support for us in achieving our goals. We can also be inspired to climb to heights that others have not, because we see and support those who went where no one thought. By showing our support for others, we build energy for ourselves. By regretting their successes, we come to a halt.

Wouldn't you like to have others express their happiness for you when you have succeeded at something? The Golden Rule is still one of the best “rules” ever written. It may come at just the right time -- perhaps a time when they are at a decisive point. Do not wait; often, either you end up regretting not doing so in a timely fashion or that person went too far that he/she cannot hear your feeble voice. See my blog below on “Deciding things on time”.

So be truly happy for others and who knows, you too may feel unexpected happiness. Do not try, just do it!

Understanding Habit Patterns

"Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes."

One of the main things that one should learn in life -- and it is talked but not taught in the home or in the schools -- is self-analysis. If you really want to understand yourself, you can analyze your personality by understanding your habit patterns. This is not difficult. You should simply try to be consciously aware of every action you perform and realize that your actions are virtually your thoughts. Without thought there can be no action. Habit patterns and thoughts are revealed through behavior.

There is a branch of psychology called behaviorism that is based on this concept. But one should understand that external behavior alone cannot reveal everything about a person. Laughter, for example, cannot be analyzed behaviorally. If I were to laugh, you might also laugh out of sheer reaction. Then you might laugh a second time, third time and so on… You might also laugh because you understand what I was laughing at and you also find it funny. All these times, in a reference frame, your laughter might seem the same to others, but each time it had a different motivation. So, internal states cannot be understood through behavior analysis alone. Only a small part of oneself and others can be understood through observing behavior. But knowing our habit patterns can help us to analyze and understand our personality (see my blog below on "Personality"…).

You can counter your negative self-talk and replace it with powerful affirmations of positive talk. Successful people know how to condition their minds and send powerful messages through repeated and carefully orchestrated positive self-talk. They know how to use the power of positive attitude to change their habitual thought patterns and manage their lives. That is why we often observe, analyze, read, write, and talk about successful people. They know how to live consciously and responsibly, making wise choices. They also know how to transform their thoughts according to their goals and their vision.

Know that your positive self-talk can be your strength or weakness depending upon how you use it. Good thoughts are those that help others and that help us as well. Bad thoughts are those that obstruct our progress and create barriers for others.

Deciding Things on Time

The first point to understand is the philosophy and science of decision -- how to make decisions on time. The most successful person is that person who knows how to decide on time. There are many extraordinarily brilliant people who understand things very quickly, but when the time comes to make a decision, when an opportunity comes, they withdraw and are not able to act. They do not know how to decide. They know they should learn to decide on time, but they don't do it. They always say, "Well, I knew it. I understood the key, but I did not act in time." Though they may think correctly, and accurately understand the situation properly, they suddenly lose confidence.

Time is valuable in the external world, we may have a setback if we make a wrong decision, but our mistakes will teach us. Many people avoid making decisions their whole lives, so their decisive faculty of mind, the faculty of discrimination, becomes rusty and dies. Such people become totally dependent on other’s decision making; these are the types who give more value to trust and belief; but often failed to verify. When you study the four functions of the mind -- the faculty of decisiveness, the principle of identity, the storehouse of impressions, the importer and exporter of sensations and experience -- then you become aware of the power of the will. Training these four internal functions helps you to understand the decisive faculty of the mind, without which you cannot be successful.

One should understand ones capacities and potentials, and then one should express themselves in the external world with full confidence, acting without any reservations. Thus there are three steps in performing an action: first, forming an opinion within us is Okay; but, expressing our opinion in a suggestive manner to others is not; second, execute by demonstrating your decisions in action; and third, set your goals to accomplish; not on your success.

Whether I should call it a tributes or not; this is what I have learned by observing my dad. Draw a distinction between achievement and success. Achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. That is nice but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement.

“Success consists of getting up just one more time than failing.”

Personal Reflections - "Problems"

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. -- Albert Einstein

Life has its problems. That is part of the process of living and learning. How we solve those problems can bring us enrichment or stagnation. If when we encounter a problem, we keep thinking about it with the same mind set that we were in during the problem, we cannot hope to solve it. We must look at our paradigms and be willing to consider that possibilities exist beyond our present self-imposed constraints. When we are willing to calculated risks and open our thinking to unlimited possibilities, magic happens.

Think about a recent problem you had. How was it resolved? Was it resolved? If it was not, what stopped it from being resolved? Take that same problem and step back and look at it with new thinking. If you were someone who was observing the events, what would you see? When we are mired in the center of the event, seeing the whole picture is sometimes hard. Step back. Is there an avenue of resolution that you were unable to see before? It is there! Look for it with expansiveness rather than a limited outlook or myopic vision. Take your thinking to another level.

The greatest solutions to problems come when we change our level of thinking. Try it! You will find answers that you never thought you had hope of finding.

Developing the Proper Attitude

What should our attitude in the world be? It should be that relationships and all the things of the world are means. The world has never given anyone an explanation, but at the same time it is impossible for one to get clarification if one does not live in the world. What helplessness! The world does not give explanation or clarification, and yet we have to live in the world. Therefore, let us understand that the world should be a means for enlightenment. There are two ways of using the world for this purpose: first, you can have the attitude that you will not allow the world to disturb you, so that you can thereby get explanation; and second, you can have the attitude that you can use the world to help you, so that you can thereby get enlightenment. Both attitudes should be applied. One should have the same attitudes toward relationships: "I will behave in such a way with my spouse, children, relatives and friends that they don't disturb my inner peace; I will behave in such a way that they become helpful to me, and that they also grow."

You should first have the attitude that no matter what happens, you will not be disturbed. Otherwise, when you get something, you become emotional and imbalanced, and when you don't get something, you become depressed and disorganized. This means that you do not have the proper attitude behind your thinking and behavior. Great leaders had to face many serious problems, but they had the proper attitude. That attitude can be built only when you consider all relationships in the external world and all the objects of the world simply as means, not ends. Then it doesn't matter if today you expect something to become your means, and tomorrow you see that it will not. When your attitude toward the external world is that all the things of the world are means, and not disturbances, then you can find happiness.

Where Is Happiness?

If happiness were external, Americans would have it. Many people are very nice to others, but they are not nice to themselves. They have a mechanical way of behaving nicely with others, but they do not know how to be happy within themselves. They are creating a great conflict, a split personality, by pretending to express a happiness that is not there. Happiness is not in the external world; it is not attained through objects. People spend their whole lives wanting to have this and have that; they love objects, and they cannot love without objects. However, the day you learn to love without an object that will be the day of greatest happiness.

This inner happiness is in a dormant form; you have to unfold yourself to experience it. Therefore, you should learn to be still, so that the godly part in you can reveal itself to you. "Be still and know that I am nothing but part of God." What a great promise! This is the greatest aphorism. Many Christians and Jews think that there is no meditation in the Bible, but this one sentence reveals the entire philosophy of meditation.

Being Yourself, Life and Happiness

If you were stripped of all of your possessions, your status on the social ladder, and your resume stating that you got 4.0 GPA in academics, and 10+ years of rock-solid work experience, would a stranger still think of you as a good human being? I am addressing this question particularly to all of you; most of whom I assume were either born in India, North America or came to US from India at a young age. I also assume that, as a young person of Indian origin growing up in a Western country, you often face conflicts between the Indian values that you are required to follow at home and the Western culture that you are exposed to friends. There is almost similar situation in India too. And perhaps like my own children, you feel that your parents, who grew up in India, do not understand the conflicts that you go through sandwiched between two cultures that pull you in opposite directions. Balancing these conflicts of living, in between two cultures is not easy for anyone. But people who function successfully in either environment have a secret weapon at their disposal; harmony within themselves.

My wife and I have accepted that we did not understand the issues that our children confronted when they were growing up. Although all kids are faced with challenges, whether your children are US born, immigrants or still live in India, they (children) face their own unique obstacles. How well children manage these cultural conflicts depends as much on their parents' flexibility as it does on the child's attitudes about life. But like all obstacles in life, one must learn how to manage these obstacles without letting them control who you are. To do so is to attain harmony within you.

In this day and age where family culture and values have no strong roots, children of any generation (past, current and future) have high expectations to meet. You must maintain the demeanor of a "good" person while succeeding in your role as a normal human. Many of us face the pressure to conform and to achieve on a daily basis and many of us are confused by the multiple roles that we must juggle. While this pressure can seem overwhelming at times, you must always ask yourself one thing when in any situation; in spite of my accomplishments and my popularity, am I being true to myself?

Your experience as a human depends on how you deal with these pressures while remaining true to yourself. Who you are ultimately depends on the person you are outside of how many activities you participate in or how expensive your shoes are. To find true happiness, you cannot rely on the image you project to family and peers. Rather you must develop a sense of who you are outside of the roles that you must conform to. By understanding what makes you happy, you will be able to balance the expectations put on you with your desires for yourself. As said by many great people throughout history, true happiness lies within you.

As many scholars points out, unlike unhappy people, happy people are not self-focused; they care more about others. Even adverse conditions do not bother them; they are happy in every condition. They are happy to wake up in the morning and to live every second of it to the fullest.

I am not preaching that you should give up enjoying the material aspects of life or the status that you have achieved with your friends. But you must recognize the difference between what you are and who you are. Life in not about what you buy but about the quality of human being that you are, you will be able to put your "personal disappointments" into perspective, and will live a much happier and richer life. You personality and character will bring value to what you buy. Old people always say things to young people about how their priorities change when they get older. But becoming an adult does not guarantee inner happiness. Perhaps it is more appropriate to say that your priorities won't change unless you understand who you are as a person outside of the things you own.

To conclude, finding happiness requires much more than making tons of money. There is nothing like good financial position; even Mr. Tata, Mr. Gates, or Mr. Ambani would ever agree that their financial position is good. It requires you to reflect on what truly makes you happy, whether that is music, daily dharmic practices, and spending “quality” time with your family and relatives or just being alive. Appreciate every moment you have been given on earth as if it was your last and you will find wealth that can never be measured: the wealth of love, happiness and the joy of just being able to experience life.

Successful Living

Everyone wants to be successful in life, but where are the keys to success? Do we have to go out and search for those keys, or do we have those potentials already within ourselves? When we begin to examine life, we can see that it is divided into two aspects -- life within and life without; internal life and external life -- and we can see that these aspects are of equal importance. Even if we have renounced the world, gone far away from civilization, and live in the wilderness doing nothing but meditation, we cannot ignore external life. We still have to see that we eat, do our ablutions, and perform our practices on time. So life in the external world is as important as life in the internal world. Even one who has renounced the world has to understand the word relationship properly, because life itself is actually relationship. The body is related to the breath, and the breath is related to the mind. The body, breath, senses, and mind all function together as a unit. So life virtually means relationship, and thus the art of living requires an understanding of one's relationship to the external world and the relationships within oneself.

All human beings have inner potentials, but many of us are not aware of those potentials and do not know how to use them to have a successful life. Those who are not happy internally can never be happy externally; those who are not happy within themselves can never make others happy.

If you are not happy, how can you be successful in life? Success lies in our happiness. The keys to happiness lie within us, but our modern education does not teach us how to find them. It is helpful to have a few formulas to practice in daily life to make it more successful. I have not created these formulas; they are derived from observations based on experience. There are five points to remember: first, how to decide things on time. Timing is everything and I have not seen or heard of anyone fighting and winning against time; second, how to study personal habit patterns; third, how to conduct ourselves in the external world; fourth, what attitude to take; fifth, where to find happiness. To attain success in life, one should learn and apply these five points.

I would like to start with “how to conduct ourselves in the external world” first.

Living in the External World

It is very difficult to live in the external world, to put up with the world, to deal with the whims of many people, and to please everyone. We have numerous experiences every day -- some pleasant, some unpleasant. But there is one category of experience for which we long: the kind of experience that guides us, that motivates us to do something helpful for others and for ourselves. But such experiences are very rare.

We do not enjoy the time and energy that we think we are spending in pleasure, because we do not really know how to enjoy the things of the world. Most of us have no clue how to define “enjoy”. But we can learn how to enjoy; we can live in the world and learn to use the things of the world as means. The things of the world should not be loved. Their nature should be understood and they should become means. The Lord of life is called love. We should learn to love our responsibilities and to discharge our duties lovingly, without any attachment.

You are not alone who may think that it is not possible to love someone or something without attachment. But perhaps the word attachment is not understood correctly. Love is different from attachment. In love we give -- we do our duties lovingly -- and that is entirely different from attachment. Attachment is unauthorized. In attachment we become blindfolded and selfish. In attachment we expect all the time and we are never fulfilled, and thus we become miserable. There is not one single thing that we can say is really ours. We can have things -- and we should learn to look after them properly -- but we should not try to possess them. In attachment people are afraid. We remain constantly under the pressure of the fear of losing what we have or of not gaining what we want. The whole problem of fear arises from these two sources.

Most of us are not aware that we are on a voyage. We are in the habit of collecting useless garbage, and it creates problems for us. We should learn to understand that needs and necessities are different from wants and desires. If we need something, we should have it, but we should not uselessly want to have unnecessary things. In studying the lives of great people, we find they share one trait that has made them successful: they do not take what they do not need. Do not apply this trait with your own definition of needs & wants and necessities & desires. When you understand this point, then you can go through the process of life unaffected.

Emotions

This world is not short of intelligent people. Despite many experiments conducted on three levels—mind, body, and matter—we have not seen or able to create an integrated human being lately. We have not understood the importance of an integral way of life. The power of thought and the power of emotion are both great powers. For total integration, we need to know how to use the power of thought and how to prevent the mind from being disturbed by our emotions.

You may have heard this analogy. Once there was a lame man. He couldn’t walk. He had no crutches; he had nothing at his disposal. And there was a blind man. Both wanted to go to the same village. They started talking to each other, “Is there a way? We both have the same destination.” And after discussion they found a way. The lame man climbed onto the shoulders of the blind man and guided him to their common destination. I used to enjoy this story more like a story when first my dad and then my brother used to tell. But, until recently, I never thought that the power of thought and the power of emotion combine forces to achieve an integrated way of life.

It also means that after introspection and proper understanding of the various aspects of one’s internal states, one can find solutions in life. Learn to think and never tired of thinking. Have clarity of mind. Don’t become a worrier, become a warrior.

Virtually all our actions are controlled by our thoughts. And all our thoughts are controlled by our emotions. You may be a cultured and highly educated person, but suddenly a single emotion upsets you and you start doing things that should not be done. One emotion can disturb your whole being. You spend so much time and energy in culturing, in cultivating, in educating yourself. Yet, one single emotion can disturb you and make you a monster.

Therefore, find out why emotions disturb our entire being. The first, the primary emotion is desire; it is the prime desire from which arise all other desires. If this desire is fulfilled, you become proud and this is a serious problem. If it is not fulfilled, then you get angry. What is anger? Unfulfilled desire is called anger. If desire is not fulfilled you get angry. If it is fulfilled, you become proud.

Second is Pride. Pride is not self-respect, which is a false notion. Learn not to be attached to the things of the world. Attachment is the mother of all miseries.

The third barrier is ego. When you are egotistical, you forget your own people; that create a barrier between you and the reality. “Blood is thicker than water” is an adage and it is true. Ego creates a wall between you and the truth. If you understand a little bit of the anatomy of the inner person, the one within you, it will be easy for you and your life.

Determination is the pillar of success. Don’t condemn yourself if you fail, make efforts. Don’t stop making efforts, that’s very important. To know the truth, there should be truth in mind, action, and speech. Discern the true meanings of “trying” and “making an effort”.

Human prejudices hamper the progress of humanity. Only individuals, those who are aware, can do something in life and they can help others and we all have such potentials. Take some time, and think about it. How can you improve yourself? How can you improve your personality? You cannot change it but you can improve and make it better.

Accomplishing Things

A Native American boy was talking to his grand father. “What do you think about the world situation?” he asked. The grand father replied, “I feel like wolves are fighting in my heart. One is full of anger and hatred; the other is full of love, forgiveness, and peace.” “Which one will win?” asked the boy. To which the grand father replied, “The one I feed”. Not sure if this is real story or not; but, provides the essence of a life – as defined in the law of universe… “You become what you about”.

Regardless of what come before or of what has yet to come, what matters most right now is how we choose to respond to the challenges before us. Will I lie down (as most of do) or will I fight? If the choice is mine, then I choose to finish strong. I will build the level of accountability for everything I do.

There are many a situation where we do not always get the result we want. But in the times that one has to learn on ones commitment, one should always feel a greater sense of accomplishment and satisfaction knowing that I gave it all I did. Well, it is easy to say that I did. I do not think majority of us know what is meant by “giving it all one can”. See the following seven steps to understand what it means and the true “giving” with a sense of accountability.

Step 1: Decide exactly what you want. Yes, be specific!
Step 2: Write it down.
Step 3: Set a deadline for your goals. Deadline has to be realistic and humanly possible. Humanly possible is not what you are willing to and/or how much you want to… To know some of the characteristics of the human, see other topics in this blog.
Step 4: Make a list of everything. A list of obstacles, difficulties you may encounter, required knowledge and skills, people who you need to associate with, cooperation you need from others, and how much you cooperate with others etc.
Step 5: Organize the list. Yes, by sequence and priority.
Step 6: Take action on your plan immediately and each effort has to be action oriented.
Step 7: Do something everyday.

Only human has potential to follow ALL seven steps. Most of us are trained or use either right or left side of the brain. There are few examples where we see both sides are used. The right and left sides of the brains constitute just 10% total brain potential. Why waste remaining 90% this high potential source, which is well within our control?

Discipline is one of the key methods, which can harness this high potential brain source. I was stunned to see and hear (in some National Geographic TV program) that only animals use full potential of its brain functions or capacity. It is not just animal’s nature. It is about survival and getting the recognition it wants.

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. Do not just wish for something. A wish has been defined as a “goal with no energy behind it”. And, do not just hope… because, hope is not a strategy.

Personality

What is personality? The word "personality" comes from the root persona, which means "mask." Our personality is a mask that we wear. We don't have to wear a mask when we are by ourselves; we wear a mask to express ourselves to others. Our personality is a character, and that character is composed of certain habits. Each of us has numerous habits; so when we want to understand our personality, we should understand our habit patterns. A habit pattern is a conscious thought or action that one repeats again and again. This creates a groove in the unconscious mind and forms an unconscious habit. Unconscious habits are stronger than conscious habits. All habit patterns are self-created. When we sit down and try to understand which of our habits control our life, we see that there are many deep-rooted habits within us. We should learn to study them. Once we become aware of harmful thoughts and emotions that have created deep grooves in the mind, we can begin to change them by creating new grooves. Then the mind will stop flowing to the old grooves and start flowing to the new ones. In this way we can change our habits and thus develop ‘good personality’.

One should also learn to execute ones intentions. For instance, many people (incl. you) have very good intentions to do something nice, help others, and they think about it all the time, but then those thoughts are never executed, they are never allowed to become actions. We become miserable when we never have been able to execute many such thoughts. If we learn to select those thoughts that are helpful and then allow ourselves to execute them, that brings fulfillment, and life will be happy. We create misery for ourselves when we do not bring our good thoughts into action. One of the French writers has explained this concept beautifully: "All good thoughts that are not brought into action are either treachery or abortion." Good thoughts are those that help others and that help us also. Bad thoughts are those that obstruct our progress and create barriers for self and others.

Deep-seated habits can keep us from doing that which we know would be good for us to do. One becomes helpless because of the obsessions and addictions that are caused by ones habits. One may continue in a habit that one know is not good -- that is neither healthy nor helpful and that should not be done -- because the habit has become so deep-rooted that one is powerless to change their behavior. Society does not help them change their bad habits, and there are very few places where they can get help. Actually, no one should be considered either a good person or a bad person; because, a person on its own can never be good or bad. In traditional English law, when someone was punished, he/she was told, "We are not punishing you for yourself. We are punishing you for your bad habits."

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So, develop that personality, which helps you execute good intentions and make it as a deep-rooted habit.

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A Characteristic of Intelligence

Vivekam – a characteristic of intelligence – ability to discern

Sages see consolation as coming from God, marked by an increase of love, and as leading to potentially good decisions. And, desolation as coming from the bad spirit, marked by disturbance and restlessness, and leading to 'continual deceptions'.

A golden rule is never to change a commitment when in desolation, because 'in time of desolation... one can never find the way to a right decision.' ...for discernment, a person must be inwardly free and must be in consolation. But both freedom and consolation are vulnerable. With this as a hinge, sages propose a much more sophisticated attention to the process of one's inwardly movements.

Pay attention not only to the moods of consolation but to their overall orientation. Use the test of time and of where all this is leading you. Examine 'the beginning and middle and end of the course of thoughts' and experiences. If all the fruits are good and lasting, this offers the best available confirmation that the roots are in God.

But if at some stage, an element of the less good creeps, beware. ... typical examples of such signals of danger after early euphoria: some closing of the heart, some opting for rigidity, some inclination not to listen to the advice of family and friends, an impulsiveness, a separation from previous roots (in family), a fundamentalism, an inability to dialogue, indeed an inability to discern. Yes, we all come across these kinds of people.

Often it goes hand in hand with a shrinking of the field of communication to those in the inner circle ...being afraid to explore questions about self-deception with family, a friend or counselor outside immediate circle.

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Most dangerous of all are those who are in the state of constant desolation.

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You Decide!

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father wanted to nip it in the bud. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.... Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all, he told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

A verbal wound is worse than physical one. The physical wound may heal, but a verbal wound would never heal.

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You can take a step you put, but you can never take back a word you say. The damage is already done if and when said in a bad temper. Never let emotions rule your mind!

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I hope this is not just an interesting story! Some things are bigger and deeper than what we think they are. For example, see this picture:

Our Life Style

We do realize that we have one and only one life; but, still think we could be wrong. Here is a story of a carpenter that will, hopefully, define the true value of one’s life and responsibility.

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A carpenter told his employer of his plans to leave the house-building business and to live a more leisurely life with his wife ENJOYING his family life.

He would miss the pay check, but he needed to think otherwise. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favour.

The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shabby workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house,” he said, "My gift to you."

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. So it is with us.

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Alas! He is like a human; so do we.

We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

Yes, you are the architect of your own. You are that carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," ‘Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow’.

Build it wisely!

Remember...

“Work like you don't need the money” and “Love like you've never been hurt”