Strategies for Happiness... Concluding part

Happiness Strategy #5: Remember, Money Can't Buy Happiness

This does not require elboration. Regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it's never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.

Happiness Strategy #6: Foster Social Network

There are few better antidotes to unhappiness than close friendships with people who care about you. You cannot call it friendship if it is just based on the time you had spent together, roaming around, seeing places, sharing a room or apartment, or just had some youthful entertainment. Friendship has no specific definition or standards. We have acquaintances throughout our lives, and while we cross paths with many, true friends are a rarity. A true friendship, the special and rare kind, recognizes that though one has reached a difficult spot, the rewards of resolution far outweigh the alternatives. "Sadly, our increasingly individualistic society suffers from impoverished social connections, which is a cause of today's epidemic levels of unhappiness. The social ties have substance; friendship is not. The social ties that bind also provide support in difficult times; friendship may not!

Happiness Strategy #7: Engage in Meaningful Activities

People are seldom happier than when they're in the "flow." This is a state in which your mind becomes thoroughly absorbed in a meaningful task that challenges your abilities. Yet, he has found that the most common leisure time activity -- watching TV -- produces some of the lowest levels of happiness.

To get more out of life, we need to put more into it; active leisure that helps a person grow does not come easily. Each of the flow-producing activities requires an initial investment of attention before it begins to be enjoyable.

So it turns out that happiness can be a matter of choice -- not just luck. Some people are lucky enough to possess genes that foster happiness. However, certain thought patterns and interpersonal skills definitely help people become an "epicure of experience".

We all have the tools within us to be happy. Sometimes it is as simple as making the resolve that we will be happy. In the words of the old Star Trek series, "Choose to Be Happy and Prosper!"

Strategies for Happiness. Contd..

Happiness Strategy #3: Foster Forgiveness

Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well as mental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. One way to curtail these kinds of feelings is to foster forgiveness OR make them evanescent (short lived). This reduces the power of bad events to create bitterness and resentment. It is a step by step process and you can remember it by an acronym REACH. First, Recall the hurt. Then Empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator's point of view. Be Altruistic (opposite of selfishness) by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you're forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to Hold on to the forgiveness. Don't dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

The alternative to forgiveness is mulling over a transgression; it is a form of chronic stress.

Happiness Strategy #4: Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings

A.k.a. improve your mental hygiene. Compare the mind to a man riding an elephant. The elephant represents the powerful thoughts and feelings -- mostly unconscious -- that drive your behavior. The man, although much weaker, can exert control over the elephant, just as you can exert control over negative thoughts and feelings.

"The key is a commitment to doing the things necessary to retrain the elephant," and the evidence suggests there's a lot you can do. It just takes work."

I was truely inspired and influenced by the following set of words by Martin Luther King Jr.; one of the truly greatest people in the world.

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people and good thoughts."

Strategy#5: To be continued

Strategies for Happiness. Contd..

Happiness Strategy #2: Cultivate Gratitude

It involves listing a few things that make others grateful. This shifts people away from bitterness and despair, and promotes happiness. The brain is a muscle, and you can strengthen your mind’s (brain + heart) natural tendency toward optimism if you work at it.

• Make Gentle Reminders – When you notice yourself grumbling about a negative event or stressor in your life, try to think of 4 or 5 related things for which you are grateful. For example, when feeling stressed at work, try to think about several things that you like about your job. You can do the same with relationship stress, financial stress, or other daily hassles. The more you gently remind yourself of the positives, the more easily a shift toward gratitude can occur.
• Be Careful With Comparisons – Many people cause themselves unnecessary stress by making comparisons. They compare themselves only to those who have more, do more, or are in some way closer to their ideals, and allow themselves to feel inferior instead of inspired. In cultivating gratitude, you have one of two options if you find yourself making such comparisons: You can either choose to compare yourself to people that remind you how truly rich and lucky you are, or you can feel gratitude for having people in your life that can inspire you. Either road can lead away from stress and envy, and closer to feelings of gratitude.
• Keep a Gratitude Journal – One of the best ways to cultivate gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Not only are you combining the benefits of journaling with the active adoption of a more positive mindset, you are left with a nice catalog and a long list of things in your life for which you are grateful. Because habits are usually formed within two or three weeks, you will have to actively focus on maintaining gratitude less and less as you go, and the habit of a more positive (and less stress-inducing) attitude will be more automatic.

Strategy#3 To be continued

Strategies for Happiness

A popular greeting card attribute this "Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

But, purpose of greeting card attributes is just a wish; and wish is not a strategy. Yes, you can choose to be happy. You can chase down that elusive butterfly and get it to sit on your shoulder. How? In part, by simply making the effort to monitor the workings of your mind.
“Trying to be happier is like trying to be taller." We each have a "happiness set point," and move away from it only slightly. You can do this by thwarting negative emotions such as pessimism and resentment. And, you can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude.

Happiness Strategy # 1: Don't Worry, Choose Happy

The first step, however, is to make a conscious choice to boost your happiness. The philosopher Bertrand Russell had this to say: "Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit. ... Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part." God does not micro-manage our lives. So, it is all you and decision to consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that lead to happiness over unhappiness.

Trying to be happy could be like a wish; but, choosing to be happy would be “by your choice!” Choose to take advantage of opportunities to learn how to be happy. For example, reprogram your family culture and values. Learn good self-management skills, good interpersonal skills, and increase your probability of happiness. The persons who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make their own personal growth primary values.

In short, happiness also depends on how you manage your emotions and relationships with others.

Strategy#2: To be continued...

Mr. / Ms. / Mrs. Jealous,

You, simplest thing to ponder for rest of your life -- one of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.

It costs nothing . . . it is easy to do . . . it grows the more it is given. What is it? It is the unconditional display to others of our happiness for their successes, triumphs, and personal “bests.” It is given without any regrets or self-pity. It is done in joyfulness for another human being and their achievements. What could be easier? Nevertheless, being the multifaceted people we are, we find ourselves filled at times with the “poor me” attitude when we see someone succeed at something that we wish we had done. “Oh, if only it could have been me,” we say. Instead of being inspired by the person and their achievement, most become bogged down in their own self-pity.

Stats time! Over 80% of middle and upper middle class families / societies fall under the stream of self pity. Out of which, 95% of them does it knowingly and remaining 5% under some kind of bad or behavioral influence. Almost all of us have expressed self-pity at least once; how often we does and how soon we get rid of it matters. Okay, it is about time; knock it off! That’s right . . . just knock self-pity and related thoughts off of your mind!

What we often forget to realize is that in honoring the achievements of others, we also honor ourselves. How so? Because by this action we show support for the person and this in turn can become support for us in achieving our goals. We can also be inspired to climb to heights that others have not, because we see and support those who went where no one thought. By showing our support for others, we build energy for ourselves. By regretting their successes, we come to a halt.

Wouldn't you like to have others express their happiness for you when you have succeeded at something? The Golden Rule is still one of the best “rules” ever written. It may come at just the right time -- perhaps a time when they are at a decisive point. Do not wait; often, either you end up regretting not doing so in a timely fashion or that person went too far that he/she cannot hear your feeble voice. See my blog below on “Deciding things on time”.

So be truly happy for others and who knows, you too may feel unexpected happiness. Do not try, just do it!

Understanding Habit Patterns

"Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes."

One of the main things that one should learn in life -- and it is talked but not taught in the home or in the schools -- is self-analysis. If you really want to understand yourself, you can analyze your personality by understanding your habit patterns. This is not difficult. You should simply try to be consciously aware of every action you perform and realize that your actions are virtually your thoughts. Without thought there can be no action. Habit patterns and thoughts are revealed through behavior.

There is a branch of psychology called behaviorism that is based on this concept. But one should understand that external behavior alone cannot reveal everything about a person. Laughter, for example, cannot be analyzed behaviorally. If I were to laugh, you might also laugh out of sheer reaction. Then you might laugh a second time, third time and so on… You might also laugh because you understand what I was laughing at and you also find it funny. All these times, in a reference frame, your laughter might seem the same to others, but each time it had a different motivation. So, internal states cannot be understood through behavior analysis alone. Only a small part of oneself and others can be understood through observing behavior. But knowing our habit patterns can help us to analyze and understand our personality (see my blog below on "Personality"…).

You can counter your negative self-talk and replace it with powerful affirmations of positive talk. Successful people know how to condition their minds and send powerful messages through repeated and carefully orchestrated positive self-talk. They know how to use the power of positive attitude to change their habitual thought patterns and manage their lives. That is why we often observe, analyze, read, write, and talk about successful people. They know how to live consciously and responsibly, making wise choices. They also know how to transform their thoughts according to their goals and their vision.

Know that your positive self-talk can be your strength or weakness depending upon how you use it. Good thoughts are those that help others and that help us as well. Bad thoughts are those that obstruct our progress and create barriers for others.