Pygmalion Effect

The Pygmalion effect refers to the phenomenon that the greater the expectation placed upon people, often children or students, the better they perform. This is also a secret in companies where management uses this effect often unknowingly.  The effect is named after Pygmalion, a Cypriot sculptor in a narrative by Ovid in Greek mythology, who falls in love with a female statue he has carved out of ivory.

King Pygmalion of Cyprus searched for the perfect woman and when he could not find her, decided to create her. He carved a statue out of ivory and the result was so beautiful that you would have to touch the statue to confirm that she was not real flesh and blood. Pygmalion loved his perfect woman statue so much that he called her Galatea and gave her gifts daily. Pygmalion spent his days gazing longingly upon Galatea and her perfect but inanimate curves. He looked into her eyes, and he talked to her as if she were living and breathing, silently accepting his love.

One day he announced that he would wed his love. Of course, everyone thought he was mad and his advisers tried to stop his crazy plan but he believed so strongly that he prayed morning and night to Aphrodite, the god of love, for a woman as beautiful as his statue. Pygmalion ordered the finest wedding gown for his “bride”, the real bride he expected to wed. Aphrodite was so touched by his fervent belief, dedication and love that, on the morning of the planned wedding, she shot an arrow through the statue and brought Galatea to life.

~~~

The Pygmalion effect is a concept in psychology describing the behavior of individuals as people expect them to behave. Our expectations create a circle of self-fulfilling prophecies:

• We form certain expectations of people or events.
• We communicate those expectations with various cues.
• People tend to respond to these cues by adjusting their behavior to match them.
• The result is that the original expectation becomes true.

Are other people’s expectations of us, positive or negative, causing this effect in our lives? Are we consciously or more likely, unconsciously, transmitting messages to others which cause them to respond in a way so eventually we can say, “I told you so.” As parents, teachers, bosses, it is good to reflect on the substance and intent of our verbal and non-verbal communication. Do we praise someone with words yet our body language communicates a different message?

"Edify a person in advance for the positive traits you want him or her to have, and you'll find them making a concerted effort to live up to your praise." - Bob Burg

We can't change anyone but if you want someone to change, change the way you feel about them. Nagging doesn't work but your attitude and belief about them will cause them to be and act in a different way.

"When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change."

"Things do not change; we change."

The Pygmalion effect is now recognized and sometimes taught in management training but not everyone realizes the effect of their words or expectations on others.

The virtue of acceptance and contentment

Sometimes, when our doubts, fears, and insecurities overwhelm us, we tend to think, “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us, when in reality the fact is most people are just as worried and insecure.  Where am I wrong?

I had a great mentor who helped me to be what I’m so far; I’m extremely happy with his association but not satisfied with my accomplishments yet.  But, one thing I have learned is not to feel insecure regardless of what it may....  

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and think the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in personal development because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.  It is one of those Smoke in the mirror like situations that even one of the greatest personalities and the Hero of Mahabharath “Arjun” went through.  You know what happened after that…

One key is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you feel comfortable with talking about personal matters. Someone you know will be brutally honest rather than tactful. Ask even simple questions like “Do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when we are together?” In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of personal development. Lend your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! Yes but…!”

Most of us have our own insecurities. A very few are perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. Personal development and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are/aren’t perfect and you are/aren’t the best. It is the virtue of acceptance and contentment.

"Don't wish it were easier; wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems; wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges; wish for more wisdom."

"One of the 7 habits of highly effective people"

I found this very effective one while reading Stephen Coveys "7 habits of highly effective people".

Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asks for a job in a timber merchant, and he got it. The paid was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.

The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees

"Congratulations," the boss said. "Go on that way!"

Very motivated for the boss’ words, the woodcutter try harder the next day, but he only could bring 15 trees. The third day he try even harder, but he only could bring 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing less and less trees.

"I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked.

"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..."

~~~

On a personal note, I did sharpen my axe periodically but failing to keep up lately.  Feeling tired…

Sanatana-Dharma / Hinduism in a Nutshell

Like in all my previous blogs, this is yet another collection of scholarly and little bit of my own commentary to connect the dots and put together a combination of words that you will know what to say.  This is but a concise and short explanation of what is Santana-dharma or the Vedic path.   Happy reading!

The word Hindu is derived from the Sanskrit word Sindhu, first mentioned in the Rig Veda, was the historic local appellation for the Indus River in the northwestern part of the Indian subcontinent.

The usage of the word Hindu was further popularized for Arabs and further west by the Arabic term al-Hind referring to the land of the people who live across river Indus and the Persian term Hind referring to all Indians. By the 13th century, Hindustan emerged as a popular alternative name of India, meaning the "land of Hindus".

Some scholars argue that the Hinduism is not a religion per se but it’s “a way of life” (a.k.a. “Sanathan Dharma”); rather a reification of a diverse set of traditions and practices by scholars who constituted a unified system and arbitrarily labeled it Hinduism. The usage may also have been necessitated by the desire to distinguish between people living in India and followers of other religions during the periodic census undertaken by the colonial British government in India.

When we think of the Hindu religion, unlike other religions in the world, the Hindu religion does not claim any one prophet or messenger of God; it does not worship any one God; it does not subscribe to any one dogma; it does not believe in any one philosophic concept; it does not follow any one set of religious rites or performances; in fact, it does not appear to satisfy the narrow traditional features of any religion or creed; it is not atheistic either. It may broadly be described as a way of life and nothing more.

Some people think that Hinduism or Vedic philosophy is difficult to understand, and, thus, hard to explain. But if you look at it succinctly, it is not very difficult at all. All you have to do is know what to say. So this little collection of scholarly presents the essential principles in a concise way that everyone can learn and repeat when necessary. Hinduism is also more correctly called by its Sanskrit name: Sanatana-Dharma. This, essentially, means to follow one’s eternal duty, which is to search for and understand our spiritual identity, and then to learn to live according to those eternal and spiritual characteristics, especially by one’s own spiritual realizations. This is also the purpose and mission of the Vedic philosophy and culture, and our ultimate duty in human life.

The Vedic philosophy, or that which is based on the ancient Vedas and its supporting literature of India, is to help humanity understand who we really are, and the purpose of life. It is like the manual you get when you buy an appliance and need to understand exactly how it works. The Vedic literature is there to help all of us.

The essence of it comes down to 10 basic principles. I personally didn’t read “so called” Vedic texts but these are the ones most accepted by the majority of people who follow Sanatana-dharma, and are also referenced in the Vedic texts. Beyond these, there are various schools of thought, which have further developments in their own outlook and philosophy, such as the Shaivites, Vaishnavas, Shaktas, Brahmanandis, Tantrics, and so on.

In any case, the first code is:

(1) There is one Supreme Being, Bhagavan or God, with no beginning or end, the all in all, the unlimited Absolute Truth, who can expand into many forms. In this regard, the RigVeda 

says: Ekam Sat Viprah Bahudha Vadanti. Though sages may call Him by different names (such as Krishna, Rama, Vishnu, etc.) there is but one Absolute Truth, or one source and foundation of everything. God is supreme, full of beauty, knowledge, is all-powerful and all-pervading. 

(2) The Vedas are Divine knowledge and the basis or foundation of the Vedic philosophy. Some of these texts have been given or spoken by God, and others were composed by sages in their deepest super conscious state in which they were able to give revelations of Universal Truths while in meditation on the Supreme. This Vedic literature, including, among other texts, the Rig, Sama, Yajur and Atharva Vedas, the Upa-Vedas, Vedangas, Shadarshanas, Upanishads, the Vedanta-Sutras, Yoga Sutras, Agamas, the Ramayana, the Mahabharata and Bhagavad-gita, and all Puranic literature and the practices congruent with them, contain the basis of the Vedic or Sanatana-dharma spiritual culture.

(3) God can and has appeared throughout history in the form of personal appearances (avataras) within the realm of matter, and even in the sound vibration of scriptures (the Vedic literature). There are ten basic avataras of God, with numerous other expansions.

(4) Our real identity is being a spirit soul, or jiva.

(5) The soul undergoes it’s own karma, the law of cause and effect, by which each person must experience the results or consequences of his activities and creates his own destiny based on his thought, words and deeds.

(6) There is also rebirth or reincarnation, wherein our next birth (not necessarily human form) is directed by our karma. The soul incarnates through different forms until, by its own spiritual development, it reaches liberation (moksha) from the repetition of birth and death, when it attains its natural position in the spiritual domain.

(7) We can elevate ourselves spiritually by also engaging in worship of the Divine, such as in His forms as deities in the temple.

(8) We can receive proper instruction on how to follow the teachings of the Vedic philosophy from an authorized guru who is in line with a genuine parampara, or line of gurus.

(9) We should also follow particular principles for our spiritual development, such as ahimsa or non-violence.

(10) In our life there are four main goals, as indicated by the four ashramas of life, such as brahmacharya (the student’s life), the grihasta or the householder stage of life, the vanaprastha or retired stage of life in which we take our spiritual goals more seriously, and then the renounced or sannyasa stage of life in which our spiritual purpose is the main focus. Amongst these stages we focus first on Dharma, which is to develop ourselves morally and spiritually; then Artha, which is to develop a career or trade and prosper materially; then Kama, to enjoy and work out our basic material desires as is appropriate for our particular stage of life; and then retire from all that and focus on Moksha, or attaining Self-realization and freedom from any further rounds of birth and death in material existence.

The Vedic Tradition is more than a religion, but a way of life, a complete philosophy for the foundation and direction for one’s existence.  It is based on Universal Spiritual Truths that can be applied by anyone at anytime.  For this reason, Vedic followers accept the premise of Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam, that all living beings in the universe comprise one family, and that as such all beings are spiritually equal and should be respected as members within that family of the Supreme.

Every person’s capacity to progress spiritually depends upon their personal qualities, choices and abilities, and is not limited by the circumstances of one’s color, caste, class, or any other circumstance of birth or temporary material limitations or designations. To pursue this goal, all human beings have the eternal right to choose their personal form of spiritual practice, as well as the right to reject any form of religious activity, and that coercion, forced conversion, or commercial inducement to adopt one religion over another should never be used or tolerated to present, or propagated.

However, freedom comes at some cost; the Vedic path consists of ten general rules of moral conduct. There are five for inner purity, called the yamas—which include satya or truthfulness, ahimsa or non-injury to others and treating all beings with respect, asteya or no cheating or stealing, brahmacharya or celibacy, and aparighara or no unnecessarily selfish accumulation of resources for one’s own purpose. The five rules of conduct for external purification are the niyamas—such as shaucha or cleanliness and purity of mind and body, tapas or austerity and perseverance, swadhyaya or study of the Vedas and self-analysis, and santosh or contentment, as well as Ishwara-pranidhana, or acceptance of the Supreme.

There are also ten qualities that are the basis of dharmic (righteous) life. These are dhriti (firmness or fortitude), kshama (forgiveness), dama (self-control), asteya (refraining from stealing or dishonesty), shauch (purity), indriya nigraha (control over the senses), dhih (intellect), vidya (knowledge), satyam (truth) and akrodhah (absence of anger).

Unlike in a religion, a formal process of conversion to Sanatana-dharma is not necessary because the principles, as outlined above, can be practiced by anyone at any time, or to any degree one wishes. This is one more example that Vedic Path is not a religion.  Thus, anyone can be on the path of Sanatana-dharma merely by adopting this way of life. It is not an institution that you need to join that makes you a follower, but it is the acceptance of it in your heart and the practices that you adopt. However, you can approach a guru of your choice who inspires you and can guide you and then ask for diksha, or initiation, by which you may then accept a formal ritual as a qualified follower of the Vedic path in the school of thought or parampara that your guru represents. Then you may receive a spiritual name, indicating your dedication and change of spiritual orientation, or even further take an initiation as a brahmana. 

Time Management

I read this story a few years ago when I was flying to New York City in Delta Shuttle.  But I forgot to take a copy of that inspirational story and you know what happens once you land in NY City on a business trip…. I vaguely recalled this story recently, googled, and found several versions of it.  I think this story was published in one of the Steven Covey’s books; I like to read Steven Covey’s books.  I mixed two version of this story into one and would like to share with you… And, my commentary is at the end. 

A professor walked into his MBA class carrying a large glass jar.  The students could see that the jar was jam-packed with big rocks.  The professor placed the heavy jar on his desk and turned to the class, smiling.

Standing in front of this group of elite managers, who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth, the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, “We are going to conduct an experiment”.

From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him.  Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar.  He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar.  Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” The managers replied, “Yes”.

The professor paused for a moment, and replied, “Really?”

Once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles.  Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom.  Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, “Is the jar full?”

At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions.  One replied, “apparently not!”

“Correct”, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar.  The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles.

Yet again, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?”  Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, “NO!”

“Correct”, replied the professor.  And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, “What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?”

With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager (like me) quickly replied, “We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks.”

“No”, replied the professor.  The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is:

If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.

The auditorium fell silent, as every manager processed the significance of the professor’s words in their entirety.

The old professor continued, “What are the large stones in your life?  Health?  Family?  Friends? Your goals? Doing what you love?  Fighting for a Cause?  Taking time for yourself?”

What we must remember is that it is most important to include the lager stones in our lives, because if we don’t do so, we are likely to miss out on life altogether.  If we give priority to the smaller things in life (pebbles & sand), our lives will be filled up with less important things, leaving little or no time for the things in our lives that are most important to us.  Because of this, never forget to ask yourself,

What are the Large Stones in your Life? And once you identify them, be sure to put them first in your “Jar of Life”.

With a warm wave of his hand, the professor bid farewell to the managers, and slowly walked out of the room.

Take care of the large stones first – the things that REALLY matter. Set your priorities.  The rest are just pebbles and sand.  If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there will be no room left for the stones.

The same goes for your life.  If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, you will never have room for things that are truly most important.

Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Take time to play with your children. Take your spouse out for dinner.  Take time to have a chat with your loved ones.  There will always be time to go to work, clean the house and give a dinner party.

Sometimes the less important things in life can distract us, filling up our time and keeping us away from what really matters. I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, is your jar of life full of sand & pebbles or is it filled with large stones?

My commentary: 
We have to make a solid foundation with the large rocks first because if we fill the jar first with sand, there won’t be any room for the rocks. Likewise, we should prioritize our time with the meaningful rather than all the small insignificant things we do every day. Focus on the important. 

What are the plans we postpone, the adventures we never have, the loves we let go by? Ask which are the large, solid rocks that keep our passion alive in us and put them into your jar of decisions now, because very soon there will be no room for them.

House grid with sloping roof and open courtyard – a typical design pattern of houses in agraharas or similar in India.

“If you are not living in a proper Vastu, then it will mean that you have not brought electricity in your house, as if you are living in a dark house. Vastu is very, very important; it is absolutely important. And when you are living in Vastu, don’t go anywhere where you have to spend the night in a non-Vastu house; absolutely don’t go. The whole set up of the brain functioning is completely uneven when you live in the non-Vastu houses. When you live in a Vastu house, then, particularly, when you go to a non-Vastu house, in one to two days you will begin to feel like a fish out of water. That coherence, that harmony, that peace, that softness that you feel inside in your Vastu home, it loses its evenness; it loses its bliss. So, try to live in Vastu. You have heard this from me so many times.” - Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

“There was no mention of Room Vastu or Furniture Vastu, or Toilet Paper Vastu.” Vastu Shastra uses mathematical principles and in Math, there is nothing like 20% correct, 60% correct etc; either the answer is right or wrong. Similarly, in Vastu, the house is fully compliant or not; no half way compromise. See the diagram below for an illustration of fully compliant Vastu model. That’s the memo.

Most of you are an engineer, mathematician or a scientists and learning, sharing, and contributing your knowledge & experience to your company and clients and in turn became an indispensable asset to you organization. Have you ever thought of knowingly provide your company/client a bad design, remain non-compliant to company values and principles, and still see your client or boss happy about what you have done?

Vastu Shastra is a traditional system of architecture and design based on specific directional alignments; it is not a belief system. It is primarily applied for temples, although it covers other applications, including master planned communities, building model villages or some times entire town or city is constructed based on these designs and patterns; for example, Agraharas. The foundation of Vastu is traditionally ascribed to Maya, Viswakarma, Bhoja, Aparajitha or similar sages; examples of fully compliant vastu architecture are Raavana Lanka, Ayodhya, Dwarika, Indraprasth, many Therthas & Kshetras in Indian sub-continent, various temples and architectural wonders in Asia, Russia, and Central America. I don’t mean to divert the topic… These examples are clear evidence of the benefit of fully compliant vastu when applied at the community level; not individual room or furniture level. Drawing some of my personal experiences and based on Maharshi’s quote above, it could be one of the reasons most of us get good feelings when we visit those Therthas & Kshetras across India; not when I change my bed’s head board from one side of the room to other.

The introduction of the idea that Vaastu Shastra is concerned with building architecture should immediately disqualify the idea that it is some form of Indian feng shui. Anyone who makes a study of the authentic vaastu shastras will see that there is no similarity to feng shui. Vastu is a science related to the building arts and not to placing yantras, crystals or moving furniture around. Modern “so called” “overnight” vaastu consultants take a weekend workshop and expect to understand something that takes more than ten years to learn traditionally. In the western world for example, the only traditional form is taught at The American University of Mayonic Science and Technology, which is Indian based but teaches in the US on invitation and also at Maharshi University of Management.

Vastu architecture ensures that a building or community will have nourishing influences on its occupants; not individual rooms or the orientation of a piece of furniture. So, what you believe or not believe has nothing to do Vastu and quoting Vastu to meet individual needs & wants is nothing but cheating oneself. Happiness should come from within; not moving a bed from one side of the room to the other. Happiness is a choice; not a chance; see my blog below (Monday, April 20, 2009). If it is not the case, I can easily influence the President of USA and other country heads to give Tax breaks to every family and hotel to change the direction of each & every head board and let every one in the world to live in harmony and happiness.

Because the individual life is cosmic, everything about individual life should be in full harmony with Cosmic Life. Vedic architecture gives dimensions, formulas, and orientations to the buildings (plural) that will provide cosmic harmony, synchronize with Sun’s path (Sun is the source of every form of life in this world), and support to the individual for his peace, prosperity, and good health — daily life in accord with Natural Law, daily life in the evolutionary (not revolutionary) direction.

While Vastu had long been essentially used to design large communities such as Temples, there has been a revival in India in recent decades, notably under the influence of V. Ganapathi Sthapathi, who has been campaigning for a restoration of the tradition in modern Indian society since the 1960s.

While the fields are related, a brach of Vastu Sashtra explicitly deal with sculpture - forming statues, icons, stone murals etc. Vastu Shastra is concerned primarily with building architecture - building houses, forts, temples, communities etc.

Studying Vastu Sastra has no lesser importance than many a contemporary engineering studies; BTech/MTech/ME etc. It takes at least 6 years to complete the study and several years to apply or gain some exprience. One should be able to discern well qualified engineers and experienced Mason (Maistri). One can provide architecture based on well studied and improvised engineering designs and the other has onsite implementation experience. Good engineer can be a good Maistri but good Maistri cannot be a good engineer. So, moving the furniture around, permanently close door or windows, or implant yantras in the name of Vastu is not the right thing to do. As I used tell my kids, wife, colleagues, and some of my friends “either do it or don’t do, but don’t try”.

Example of the Vastu Mandala (see a layout above): In accordance with the position and directional patterns, guidelines are given for zoning of site and distribution of rooms in a building. Some of these are: North - treasury, Northeast - prayer room, East - bathroom, Southeast - kitchen, South - bedroom, Southwest - armoury or equivalent, West - dining room, Northwest – cowshed or equivalent. Note that one should see this distribution of rooms holistically; not in isolation.

If your house doesn’t comply with this model (see above), then you are not in compliance. Turning the furniture from one of the room or house to other side of the room/house will give you nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Living a life with purpose

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. —Anonymous

At the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? This is an important question to ponder. If you were to pass away today, what would be said about you at your funeral? Although that may seem morbid or gloomy to think about, it is important to take the time to reflect and determine whether you are truly living your greatest life or whether you have fallen into what I call the “treadmill trap.” You’re running and running and running fast, with no destination in mind, and arriving nowhere quickly.

Many people discover with this exercise that what people would say about them if they were to pass away today is not at all what they would want them to say. If this is the case with you, it is time to re-evaluate how you are living your life.

Begin with the end in mind. At the end of your life, what do you want people to say about you? This will determine what your most important values are in your life. This will guide you to discover your true purpose on this earth.

For instance, if I would want them to say something like “Murthy was a caring and loving dad and husband . . .” then obviously family is one of my core values.

If you are currently unhappy with certain aspects of your life, chances are the way you are currently living your life is not in alignment with your values. Whenever you are not living in alignment with your values, the result is always dissatisfaction in that area of your life. This dissatisfaction is obviously generating negative feelings, which result in attracting more dissatisfaction into your life.

Being aware of your core values and then deliberately living and creating your life around those values will generate inner peace, freedom, happiness, and a life lived with purpose.