I’m most likely still learning

It’s funny how there are things we pick up along the way, I think.  Things that no one ever says but life teaches us to be "true".  The sad thing is they aren't true - not even a little bit.  I think we all have these.   Experiences, interactions, realized dreams, and deferred hopes shape us greatly.  They are different for us all.   The thing about these untruths we come to believe is that they can be unlearned just as they can be learned.  It takes more time and more work but in the end, it is worth the effort.  So here are some things I have learned again and again in response to my misconceptions (and I’m most likely still learning):

Not all friends are forever friends.  You like them for a season and they like you back.  While the evolution of friendships is sure to occur, it is not always easy or painless.  While it is easy to place blame, you can't.  Life leads us in different paths.  But in the end, you are thankful for their role - for what you learned from them and for how you grew from their influence.  I can think of people I wish were still a present role in my life but are not.  I miss them but can now look back in thankfulness for the time we had together.

Some (friendly) relationships never end.  Despite moves, career changes, setbacks, and life itself, some friends are with you through it all.  Oceans and continents may separate you but some friends are beautifully stubborn - they won't leave you.  They often love you in spite of you or anything you can say/do.  These are rare and are the joys of our lives, not to be taken for granted.    

No does not mean the end.  There are so many things that we can hope for in life.  There are the big ones that change everything (life stages) and the little one that make life fun (days off of work).  Yet, when hope in deferred, it really can make the heart sick - especially the big ones.  However, just because life takes a turn, it doesn't always lead to a dead end.  It can mean a shift in paradigm, a refocus, a new way to view the world/situation.  Often we have no say in how things will turn out but we do have a choice in how we respond to them.  In the joy, we sing.  In the disappointments, we turn to Plan B or Plan H or Plan S.  What we never do is give up.  Hope is the one thing we cannot afford to lose.  If I may, every night we go to bed without any of assurance of being live the next morning but still we set the alarms in our watches to wake up; that’s hope!

You cannot be everything for everyone.  This people pleaser struggles here.  Despite every effort you can put in to someone/something, you will at some point drop the ball.  That is okay.  People have different needs and we cannot meet them all.  To think we can is vain.  Yet, when things don't work out, we cannot fully blame ourselves.  Yes, there are times when we must take responsibility for our actions but we cannot take on things that do not belong to us.  But, beware of “spin masters” – these are most dangerous people in this world…  My most recent experience confirms that fact, again!

We cannot take ownership of things that don't belong to you.  In all types of relationships, in curveballs thrown at you, in the highs, and in the lows, you cannot take responsibility for the actions, opinions, and demands of others.  You are responsible for yourself and no one else.  You are made just as you are - your personality, your relational skills, your mannerisms, and so much more.  This is what defines who you are.  This is all you can give, all you can offer.  No one can negate that and you cannot belittle that.  Are we perfect?  No.  Are we free from growth and self-improvement?  No.  At the same time, we are who we are and that is a beautiful thing!

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